Life, by its very nature, entails rejection. Even the most beautiful and powerful among us are not immune from it. Princess Diana, Abraham Lincoln, John McCain, Jennifer Aniston and everyone voted off Survivor has suffered rejection’s sting. At least the vast majority of us can be grateful that millions didn’t watch our rejection on TV or read about it in the tabloids!
I’m single and dating. Now there’s a land ripe for rejection! Who hasn’t heard, and said, "You’re a great person, but…" Unfortunately, rejection isn’t limited to dating. It happens with jobs, friends, clubs, athletics, colleges…
One thing I know. If you’re out there taking chances, you’re going to suffer rejection. Those who try to totally avoid rejection never leave home, and that’s a diagnosable illness! The truth is, the more chances we take, the more we open ourselves up to the pain of rejection. But, as Radames sings in Aida, "Fortune favors the bold!" Where would we be if Christopher Columbus had stayed home, or Lincoln hadn’t chosen to run for president, despite having lost almost every other election he’d ever attempted? Unwilling to live lives of quiet desperation or mediocrity, those who achieve great things regularly risk rejection.
When rejection inevitably comes our way, we have three choices:
1). Shutoff our hopes, dreams and feelings. Many make this devastating decision in an attempt to stop the pain. I understand why-- rejection feels terrible and appears to confirm our deepest fears as it whispers we’re not worth fighting for or good enough! The problem with shutting off our hopes, dreams and feelings is that it limits our ability to live. Furthermore, it prevents us from growing, achieving and eventually acquiring the very things we desire!
2). Learn from it. Sometimes rejection occurs for a valid reason. Healthy individuals search to see if changes are in order and act accordingly. At the same time, rejection isn’t always about you! Others approach the world from their own needs and brokenness--maybe their mom dropped them on their head. Perhaps they’ve had bad experiences in the past. Who knows, you may even look like their second grade teacher! Or, just maybe, someone else is a better fit. Regardless of how it may feel, rejection isn’t always personal!
3). Choose to view it as protection. Looking back on my life, I clearly see God’s hand of protection through many of the rejections I’ve experienced—especially when I was unwilling to protect myself. Beyond greater pain and potential disaster being adverted, in the long run I’ve often received something far better. Like in Garth Brooks’ "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers…"
Ultimately, each of us is responsible for growing and for taking the steps and risks to achieve our dreams. If you want to meet Prince Charming, you can’t spend your life in front of your television. Nor will you land the job of your dreams if you never let people know you’re looking.
While we can’t control rejection, the choice to learn, grow and move forward is always ours. If you’ve closed your heart, ask God to heal it. Go to a counselor if you can’t get over things on your own. I personally owe a great deal to counselors—it’s amazing how helpful a well-trained, objective third party can be! Lastly, realize that while painful, rejection isn’t fatal. Get out there, take appropriate chances and remember-- "To the riskers go the spoils!"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
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6 comments:
I personally owe a lot to counselors myself too!!!
Rejection....hmmm....now that's always interesting to talk about. Nice article by the way. Why do we reject people? I have rejected people in the past and found out I probably shouldn't have. I paid that price. When I went back to the person, it was too late. Word of advice to those who have had people like them, but decided to reject them for whatever reason.....give them a chance...you might be surprised. If you don't, you will have a broken heart for a long time like me. If someone tells you they have feelings for you or they're in love with you, don't shut them off. There's a reason. Don't make the mistake I did. After my situation, I felt like I had lost my soulmate and knew I made a mistake. That's the worst feeling in the world. Thanks for reading.
Hey Sherene-
Do you think rejecting rejection is a good strategy?
I sympathize with all of us who have suffered rejection's sting from someone we thought was a soul mate. I've been there and it took a very long time to get over it. I've also regretted breaking up with someone that might have been a great match. It helped me to remember there was a reason I broke up with him...
Rejection isn't easy for either party. If you're the rejector, be kind but clear. "It's not a good time" leaves the other person hanging on and hoping. If it's never going to be the person you're rejecting, gently let them know . The clearer you are, the easier it is for the rejected party to face the pain, heal and move on.
I firmly believe that soul mates are a two part combo. If you've been rejected by someone you were convinced is your soul mate, believe me when I tell you there is someone else even better out there for you. Someone who's going to love and respect you and view you as the ultimate soul mate! The quicker and more successfully you deal with the rejection, the more open you'll be to meeting the right person when they do arrive.
Work through the pain, and instead of looking like a wounded puppy begging to be loved, create an enviable life and you may just attract the other person back. If not, you'll be ready when a great person comes along.
To all who have been rejected-
It's hard, it really is, but I would have to agree with Sherene that basicly if you hold on too long, you're going to miss out on wonderful things. "Wounded puppy dog begging to be loved," well yeah, you don't want that image. Then people will think negatively of you. We all have loved or have been loved, or hurt someone or have been hurt. Like Sherene said, live your life to the fullest and if the person you love does not want to share in the journey with you, then that's their loss. You deserve better. If they come back, you can make that decision on what you want to do about being with them. Sometimes, people have to go off and "fix" themselves before they can come back to the person. Nice advice, Sherene, thanks.
How do you overcome rejection? From someone who is not just your one true love, but is also your greatest friend. How do you forgive yourself for disrupting your best friend's life or for doing the one thing they did not need from you? You do you live with the fact that this was your last chance at love and you may never be in love soon? How can you live with yourself if the one person who truly knows you, feels for you, does not think that loving you is worth their while? How? How?
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